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January 15, 2013
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It was a big city, say the towering spires
Covered in still, broken clockwork;
And influential, say the surrounding villages.
Technically prosperous, but living in fear,
Say the people still looking over their shoulders
At the ghost of the towering city on the horizon;
But not because it was their enemy, say the banners
Tattered, but still showing the towers' emblems.

The city was divided, say the walls
Showing the clear line between districts
With different banners hung, and magic reigned here
Say dusty runes and scrolls long robbed of their power
They fought, say the prowling mechanical beasts
Patrolling old, forgotten borders, and they died,
Say the bones strewn about like twigs.
They were trapped, say the city gates barred from outside.

Something came through here, says the empty city
On the plain of fearful people.  The cracked and fallen tower,
Says it was no mere man; the creaking clockwork
Still trying to turn says it tore out the city's heart.
And the soul?  Remnants of spells fizzle in dark corners
Like the small bits of the city's soul, devoured a shade,
A monstrous humanoid and a foul, oozing denizen,
A specter of a young boy.  Something came through here, they say.
I'm pretty sure this fits the definition of free verse....

Okay, so this was done in a poetry class and is meant to be similar to the poem "Abandoned Farmhouse" by Ted Kooser.

It's the first poem I have ever done in earnest, so go easy. That said, I would like some critical comments or critiques (if you have the time to dedicate to a newbie). Like I said though, I am still learning the basics, so perhaps some simpler advice.
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:iconsamiclayvivianmel:
samiclayvivianmel Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
you're alive! :D I have a new boyfriend. the one who was my best friend up until this point. I'm going to go back to town to visit him next month. how are you?

as to the poem: I'm having trouble feeling the rhythm of it. rhythm is pretty central to poetry in my opinion (but obviously not in everyone's)
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:iconvgmaster831:
vgmaster831 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Writer
Well, I'm glad you have a man. I am swamped in work trying to get into and pay for college. But, with learning poetry and writing Pathfinder stuff, I suppose I'm doing pretty darn well.
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:iconsamiclayvivianmel:
samiclayvivianmel Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013
I hope you get into the school you want and can pay for it and everything! I'm glad you're doing well. anything new I'd want to hear about?
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:iconvgmaster831:
vgmaster831 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Writer
Well, I've already gotten into one Washington school and applied to two more.
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:iconsamiclayvivianmel:
samiclayvivianmel Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
yay! if you end up in the seattle area you should definitely let me know so we can hang out (I still have the stuff I was supposed to give you when I went to California)
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:iconvgmaster831:
vgmaster831 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Student Writer
Sweet.
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:iconsamiclayvivianmel:
samiclayvivianmel Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013
^^
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